You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
