when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
