Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
