I showed him my bush... on skype.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
