just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
