He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
