Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
