My friends, they love my intelligence
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize