You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
