Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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