You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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