so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
