I'm eating all of the evidence.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
