Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
