Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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