Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
