she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
