New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
