I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
