Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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