Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize