and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
