i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
