what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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