I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
