so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
