Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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