you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize