1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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