Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm at about main and main street
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
