Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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