Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
