made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
