They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
