Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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