i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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