3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
