Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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