Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
