He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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