how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
