I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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