at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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