I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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