Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
