She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
