come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
