I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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