he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
