Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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