Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
