I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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