you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
