did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
