There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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