Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
