She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
