I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
