took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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