I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
