My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
