Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
