Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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