i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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