he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize