you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
