From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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