dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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