im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
