Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
