im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize