it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
