He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
