my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize